Monday, February 6, 2012

Nothing to say..

I have not been around much. OK, I have been around but I have not been writing much. I guess you could say that I have been stalling. There are days when I have a million ideas on what to write about and then there are days when I am just floating through the afternoon and not focused on anything in particular. When I am in a floating mood I will think of an idea and then go on and on in my head with what I would write and what I would say. I then realized that I have hashed it all out already and have nothing left to write. I have had a good solid week of this recently. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to say.
Last Friday I turned 41 and I have plenty of thoughts on this. All of the different things I have done over the years and all of the things I wish to do with the time I have left. All of the things I wish I could have received for my gift and the gratefulness of those four gifts I already have in my children. It is also the month of my anniversary. Tomorrow I will be married 17 years. That is quite a long time considering many in my life who have not made it this long. My husband has lived with me longer than anyone else including his parents. I could write about love and hearts for Valentines day. I could write that all three of these occasions fall in one month which used to prompt a big celebration and special month. Alas 41 is not significant. 17 years is not really that impressive and when you mix these two anti-climatic achievements with a "Hallmark Holiday", there really wasn't much to write about. I could write about my new job and perhaps on another day I will but not really into it today. I do love what I am doing and it makes me feel happy to be helping out through this rough financial time. But not today.
  I could write about the Super Bowl and how its frustrating being in Connecticut when the Giants and the Patriots are playing. I am not really into writing about this either however as I am a Redskins fan and my husband a Rams fan. Neither of us were excited about the game and neither of us really care about the outcome. The only thing that got me going on this topic was the food we ate, and its not the kind of "going" you want to hear about- trust me.
  I would love to write about all of the plans I have for the upcoming year but aside from just making it through the bills, days and weekly drama without additional stress, we have none.
  There is little to talk about right now. There is little that you really want to hear me say. Im just stuck in the bland sugar free jello of life. I am not unhappy, I am not ungrateful. I am sleeping well and eating healthy. I suppose that what I am really trying to say is that although I am not charged up with opinions and emotions, there is a part of me that is very OK with it. I like not being overly charged. There is something to being able to just breathe and exist. One of my New Years Resolutions was to just BE. I want to not dwell on the past or anticipate the future. I want to be able to stop, stall and just BE in the moment for a while. After all I have already cheated on the other resolution of no alcohol until I lose the weight. It was my birthday after all!! But Im not telling you about that either. After turning 40 I need not tell you why I had a drink. Its all good.  Happy BEING!

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