the MIND the MILE the MUSIC the MOMENT

I wasn't going to run today. Better yet I wasn't going to pretend to run today. 
 It all started with a long 3 mile walk with my 12 year old. It was one week ago today. I was exhausted, I felt a strong buzz in my buttocks that would not stop and I could barely walk. It was only 3.5 miles and yet I felt so completely out of shape. I decided that day that I would learn to run. 
 My whole life I had resorted to low impact aerobics and exercise that caused little in the way of heavy breathing as I have iffy asthma that only rears its ugly head when you least expect it. I have also had arthritis in my knees since I was 12 so between the two I had never learned to run. I wanted to, I dreamed of it, I take super fast sprints here and there when I want to show off in front of the kids since I am quite fast but I had never learned to run. Certainly would never think of doing it for fun- what is fun about breathing hard, burning legs and not being able to walk the next day? 
 Alas I set out on Sunday with the same 12 year old daughter (my only daughter) for my first run.... we made it maybe 100 yards before she decided to walk. Yep- so much for that run.... I made her walk with me at least 1/4 of a mile and then I ran for as long as I could which wasn't much and we walked back. Not much of a success but I had 100% intentions and at least 50% effort so I was happy with it. I came home and posted on my Facebook status, "Tomorrow marks the beginning of "Less eating fat- more burning fat" I suppose I should eat the rest of the bacon and then take a nap now and get it out of my system...."
 Monday I woke up and could barely get out of bed... UGH - it was rough. I was dreading this new pact that I had made with myself and my husband who has been home now for a year on unemployment and was greatly getting on my nerves says,"I thought today was your first day of the new you and your new plan?" Oh lord, now not only do I feel guilty for not wanting to run again but now I am mad at my husband who was lying on the couch for pointing it out. I get dressed to spite him and I head out. 

Person-ality of Politics

We are all selfish- when it comes to politics at least. We are all motivated one way or another to look at our situations through personal eyes. Some people are motivated by a "greater good" or at least what they feel is good for the greater majority. Some people are more of the live and let live, defend whats yours and leave me alone. Some people are guided by what is going to directly affect their lives rather than looking at a bigger picture where many are affected and those changes that affect the many will ultimately affect them too.

Self-Pitiful

Ok so I feel sorry for myself

Yes, there it is. I said it and I mean it too. I have finally gotten to the point of waning optimism where the good that was my mood is gone. I have started resenting total strangers and being upset with anyone that does not have it bad. I have started crying for the teachers that are losing their jobs all over and have resented the elderly and empty nest voters that are refusing to pay for the education of future generations. I am tired of hearing more and more layoffs each day and in the same news broadcast hearing how the economy is getting better and that the recession is over. I'm tired of applying for Social Services and being scared that I might be rejected because my checking account has more than $2000 in it yet fearing that I will need it to have at least $3500 by next week or I will not have enough to cover this month's bills. Im tired of people suggesting that we sell our house with our $1800 a month mortgage so that we could find a rental for $2000 a month- ok so Im paying an additional $600 in taxes and ins but we have our home. We have the place where the kids are safe and feel just a little like we used to before the economy hit and jobs were lost. I'm tired of being told that we should sell our truck which is worth less than we owe and therefore I can either pay the $450 a month or I can miraculously come up with $4000 to pay the difference.