Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Making peace with pieces

We all have a past. We have things that were good and things that were bad. We have ex lovers and ex idiots, we even have ex lovers that were also idiots. We have family quarrels and then amazing family occasions. We have life altering childhood memories that lead us innocently into teen aged crisis, which also leads us into our altered state of crisis known as adulthood. We all have past, we all have notches in our belt and we all have been hit with that belt in some way or form.
But what it is you do with that past is what interests me today. Do you live and learn? Do you learn and then attempt to live again? Do you chalk it all off to something out of your control or do you take the bull by the horns and forcibly "steer" it into a direction you can live with? Here are a few of my pieces-

The "Ex"
Well I know that I have my share of them. I'm sure you do as well. Whether it was someone that you dated for a short while or someone you loved long or from a far. Sometimes its a childhood crush or an adult friendship that you wished were more, it is still someone that changed your life in some way. I have many of them. I have a handfull of broken hearts in High School. I have a few I dated in college, a few I met as an adult and a few that I care to not think about. I have some that mean the world to me still to this day and they would never know how much because I never even told them then. I'm sure that there are some out there that think they were my world and truth is that they really were only someone to bide my time. But how do you move on after you share a PIECE of your heart? Well I have found this Internet to be quite healing. I have looked up a few, found a few and have friend'd a few and have truly reconnected with a few. There is a strange healing in knowing where they are, knowing they are happy and knowing that we are all better in some way for going our path even if it were down completely different roads. I have become friends with them, become friends with their wives or girlfriends. I have looked at pics of their kids and read about their stories. I have come to find PEACE in what their part was in the puzzle of my life. The good and bad were all for a reason. I have come full circle and have benefited by their full circle as well. The empty PIECES that they left once have finally filled themselves in.
"Their Ex"
Ok so pretty much I mean your spouses "ex". Lets face it, you spend all this time getting to know a person and knowing that they gave their heart to someone before you. You wonder things about their relationship, their memories and where it went wrong so that you don't repeat it. You stick them in the category of "the enemy" without knowing or caring who they really are. Chances are that they had intimate relations and learned what they perform for you in some other bed at some other time. Alas this is how it all starts, but how do you make PEACE with something that was definitely a PIECE of someone you think you have completed? Personally I have also tackled this situation as well. Granted it was rather easy since my husband of 14 years only really had 2 that he truly cared about. Each was long term and each was during an important time of his life. When given the chance to share in contact them both I jumped. I took it as a grand gesture to pull together the PIECES of his past so that I could know him as a whole. I trusted in the strength of who we are today and told myself that if there was no trust then what did we have. I took a shot of tequila and jumped! Low and behold, shock of all shocks- I liked them! They are both very cool, selectively picked people whom he chose to love and as strange as it seems they are now my dear friends. There is something very cathartic about taking someone off of the "enemy" list and moving them to the "friend" list- I sleep better at night and my heart is full.
The "family"
I was once told that you can pick your nose and you can pick your seat but you cant pick your family. You spend your whole life trying to love people because you were told that you had to and no matter what they did to you or for you, there was that rope of blood hanging over, reminding you that you could either grab on and take it like a life line or stick your neck through it and use it as a noose. Each one of us has at least one member if not our entire family that you wished were a little different. You wished were a little more caring, a little less needy or a little more compassionate. You feel disconnected and shattered inside because this core of people that should be the PIECES of your person are all mismatched and don't fit your holes- you are forced to shove their square pegs into your round holes because they are family and the rough edges hurt and scrape you into thinking maybe you should also have squares as well. Then one day you wake up and realize that they have square holes that wont fit your round pegs. Do you walk away entirely and call it a day? Do you slam your peg into that square knowing that one of you will break? I have not always handled this well. I have scrapes and bruises from past attempts of forced family situations but I'm saying that I have found a way to make it work for us all. I just sanded down my peg to be smaller so that I still fit and feel right about my PIECE and yet I can temporarily fit into their square for the time that I must. Its working together and knowing that they will never change but making the changes inside myself lets me walk away a stronger puzzle. We are all puzzles - I have made PEACE with my PIECES

In short we are who we were. We are now just a tower of emotional PIECES that have built up over the years. You can be the tetris that fills the page with gaps and holes and lose the game or you can learn to flip some of the shapes to fit the block and make it as much as it can possibly be. However you do it- you will have to somehow find a way for PEACE because it is so much less painfull than being just a pile of broken PIECES~

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